I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize