Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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