so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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