Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
