I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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