Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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