apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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