Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
