Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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