she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
