six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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