I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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