Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
