I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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