Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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