i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
