Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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