This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
