How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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