tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
