I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
