I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
