You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
