Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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