So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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