so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
