i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize