I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
