Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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