he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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