I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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