I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
