I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
