WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
