You just made me feel so damn special
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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