whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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