Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
