"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
