I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
