Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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