if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm both gender and math confused
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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