we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
