You work out of a Hotel?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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