she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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