Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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