nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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