Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
how does that bad decision feel?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
