Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
