Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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