ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
