Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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