that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I die, sorry about rent.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
