If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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