Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
