Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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