I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
