I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
