my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
