Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Everyone says I win the strip club
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
