It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
