I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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