that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
