Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
