I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night