Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?