Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor