Texts From Last Night

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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.

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  (705): I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single. http://tfl.nu/i1tx
  Replies (48) Good night (2161) Bad night (4455)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (896) Bad night (3913)
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  (909): View more from California

  Would you still love me if I had no teeth

  (1-909): View more from California

  Yeah why?

  (909): View more from California

  Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone

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  (909): Would you still love me if I had no teeth (1-909): Yeah why? (909): Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone http://tfl.nu/a6a1
  Replies (34) Good night (1456) Bad night (11764)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex

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  (610): what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex http://tfl.nu/02xp
  Replies (36) Good night (980) Bad night (4382)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.

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  (609): You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics. http://tfl.nu/ug0s
  Replies (6) Good night (1137) Bad night (3472)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.

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  (513): I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle. http://tfl.nu/7tfd
  Replies (15) Good night (4012) Bad night (841)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.

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  (954): If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down. http://tfl.nu/14pp
  Replies (6) Good night (3953) Bad night (802)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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  (817): 90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus http://tfl.nu/i6dy
  Replies (15) Good night (8139) Bad night (1010)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

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  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (22) Good night (10129) Bad night (985)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.

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  (651): Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me. http://tfl.nu/26ae
  Replies (7) Good night (3374) Bad night (922)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool

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  (919): Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool http://tfl.nu/1a3e
  Replies (1) Good night (835) Bad night (648)
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  (909): View more from California

  I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...

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  (909): I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji... http://tfl.nu/rxc7
  Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (353)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.

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  (865): If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch. http://tfl.nu/4ij5
  Replies (4) Good night (400) Bad night (752)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.

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  (503): Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun. http://tfl.nu/5we2
  Replies (2) Good night (842) Bad night (309)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.

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  (734): she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love. http://tfl.nu/ybpy
  Replies (3) Good night (658) Bad night (260)

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