How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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