You're my little dorito
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
