Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.