oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
