Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
